Fame is the thrist of youth
by RoseandThorns
Summary: Yami dreams of fame and stardom. He'll do anything to reach it, including forsaking Yugi. But when he finds his fame is he prepared for the price? Can he escape before he loses himself?


Hello. I'm back while I'm stuck on other fan fictions. I haven't found another story like this one, so I thought I'd try the idea out. I hope you like it.

Enjoy!

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

...

Fame is the thirst of youth

Yami

_It is strange to be known so universally and yet be so lonely_

"He's done it again folks! The King of Games reigns victorious. Gosh, what will it take to keep this man down? How does he do it? Yami Atemu remains unbeaten!" The reporter gushes, his eyes hazy with awe.

Cameras flare and fans scream. Every noise is a dull roar, voices merging together. I can't distinguish between faces but I already know he's not here. He's back at the Kama Shop where I left him behind. He didn't understand that this is where I wanted to be.

_It still is...right?_

I had to go, had to move away. There was a dream I wanted to follow. I would've done anything to pursue it. I did do anything. I threw my friends carelessly away, knowing I hurt them but not caring. Eventually they would understand. When they saw me standing tall and golden on the screen. I abandoned my relationship with Yugi. I let our love slip away from us. Decay and wither, let the rose petals fall. I called it a 'necessary' goodbye'. He called it torture. But when he saw me everywhere, with my dreams complete, he'd realise how wrong he was. He'd know that I was right all along.

I have fame, money, beautiful bodies thrown at me. I'm adored by endless faces. I have everything.

_So, why do you cry alone?_

"Yami! Yami! A word please!" The star struck reporter begged, darting before me, blocking my path.

A perfect smile stretched across my face. "Of course."

He beamed, turning momentarily to the camera behind him. "This is Kevin White, reporting from the Duel Monsters Championships." His attention snapped back to me and the camera swivelled to my face. "This is your fourth year as champion. What's your secret?"

"An unbeatable strategy."

Kevin laughed, angling the microphone closer to my lips. "What are you going to do with the money?"

"Too be honest I don't know. Enjoy myself?"

"It's well deserved. Yami, there are rumours about yourself and a mystery woman."

A puzzled laugh left my throat. "What woman? Those are just rumours, not truth."

Kevin let a disappointed sigh slip from his lips. "Of course. We have to make sure, though. Is it possible you still hold a flame for Yugi Mouto?"

Ice ran through me. This is a forbidden subject; this world frowns on my relationship with Yugi. I can't lose my career over him. I can't let this seep back to Yugi. "W-What does he have to do with this?"

He smirked. "That's a pretty big yes. Do you miss him?"

"I..."

"Dreams come with prices, Yami. Was the price to great?" Was there supposed to be wisdom with those words? Something was drilling through me as I took in his pitying eyes.

How do you pity the famous?

When they have all they ever wanted?

I shoved him away from me, pushing through the crowds. Security closed up around me, forcing screaming girls back. I dove into the car as soon as I could reach it. Once the door was locked, I leant back, my eyes slipped closed.

"Home, Mister Yami?"

"Please, Frankie."

"Are you all right, sir?"

"I'm just fine, thank you. Take me home."

"Of course, sir."

The car rumbles into life and I let the stadium and fans merge together.

Was the price too high?...How can anything have a price that's too high?

"_Dreams aren't meant to be lived, Yami." Yugi whispered, tears seeping into his eyes. "They're meant for sleep."_

"_I want mine to be real. I want you there beside me. Come with me."_

"_I can't. You can't have both us and your dreams."_

Should the threat have been enough to stop me?

I threw open the doors to my apartment, stopping to gaze around it. Even after all this time, all the money that went into it, it can still feel too big. Sometimes, I feel like I could get lost in it. Aimlessly I wandered between rooms, searching for something that I didn't know. This apartment is the result of endless amounts of money and greedy workers. They're there for my call, they'd bend over backward to do my will but I know the whole time, they're after what I can offer. I turned and flung myself down on the bed.

_Is this what you wanted? _

_You're lonely...ADMIT IT!_

The blanket was too soft, the material a world away from reality. The crimson carpets were like silk beneath my feet. Sometimes I was afraid about staining them. It's too quiet, there's no love here. The photographs on my wall do little to comfort me on sleepless nights. I can't have him but I can't move on. My wardrobe wasn't my choice, these clothes aren't me. The designer labels mean nothing to me; I only understand that I'm advertising a brand. They're too expensive. They should cost me half a year's pay. If I was anyone else they would. I can't wear the Millennium Puzzle anymore. They told me that it ruins my image. Girls don't like golden pyramids. But I did. I wanted to keep wearing it. They drove their forked tongues through my mind, nailed reasons into me and logic won, I let it go. I hid it away, stuffing it in a draw and refusing to open it. I think I cried that night. But these are the sacrifices for a perfect life. I can live with them. I've reached dizzying heights with ease. I could touch the sky.

_You've sold your soul._

This is my life now. And it's perfect.

There's nothing missing in my life.

_Then where do these tears come from?_

_Caught in a dream,_

_Lost under a spell._

_Denying reality._

_Lucky boy._

_There's no one there too wake him up._

_One day soon, _

_He'll come crashing down._

Tell me, how long can you keep on winning?

...What happens when it all falls apart?...

I swung myself off the bed, stretching before walking over to the balcony. I never had this landscape before, the humming of the city. The blinding lights from skyscrapers and homes. The thunder of the roads, the voices that rose in the night sky. There's so much life here, but sometimes, it feels like there's too much. I leant forward, leaning against the railings, watching as life passed me by. It's been so long since I last spoke to Yugi, I'm forgetting the sound of his voice. I can't remember his bubbly laughter or his comforting scent. I don't remember how soft his skin was or how his lips felt against mine. I can barely remember his eyes, the way they used to shine and captivate me. I can hardly feel the ghost of his arms around me anymore. I rested my head on my hands, shivering at the dropping temperature. The link between our minds is little more than a whisper. It shudders every once in a while, emotions leak through but never words. I think I understand why it doesn't work anymore. I know that I let it fray until it snapped. I was too busy, too caught up in my new wonderful life to think about what I left behind. What I might be abandoning. I didn't spare them more than a second. I never planned this to happen. They were supposed to stand beside me, to support me. But they didn't. They couldn't see what I saw. I didn't want to say goodbye but I had too.

_Or maybe...you couldn't see through the glare of stardom._

I miss Yugi. I've never denied it but I've never acted on the feeling. I can't leave all this behind. Not even for him. I know that with every moment I spend here, I lose another part of him. I can't look for someone new to love when I still want him.

No one ever told me about the lust involved. They didn't mention how girls would throw themselves at you. Yugi told me about kiss and tell girls. They'd take so much away from you and sell it to the papers. Busty girls stalk, sending pictures and letters. I always burn them, strengthening the love I have for Yugi. There have been times when I've wanted to take up their offers. When loneliness grasps my mind and I don't know how to loosen its grip, I've gone to them. I've nearly let them have their way with me, letting their hands wonder and their mouths suck. Then I remember and I have to turn away.

_/Yugi...I miss you. I wish you could hear me/_

Growling, I pushed myself away from the metal rail and stalked inside. I can't live in the past when I exist in the future. I fell onto the bed, wrapping the blankets over me. Sleep claimed me and let me leave the amethyst eyed boy behind.

"_Pharaoh...somehow...I'm going to bring you home to your Hikari. I'll make you see."_

_...sorry?...Who are you?_

_The paparazzi aren't your friends. Didn't your mama ever tell you that? _

**King of Games in homosexual affair!**

_What...?_

**I've slept with the King of Games! His darkest secrets revealed in the throes of passion!**

_Who are you?_

**Yami Atemu charged with speeding!**

_Stop it! Why are you doing this to me?_

**Is his career over?**

_No! It's just a phase._

**Fans worried about King of Games' health!**

_HA! That's a joke!_

_...Where did my beer go?..._

_Drugs, huh? Yeah...why not?_

**Star in rehab. Fans fear he's too far gone!**

_..._

_It's possible. Stupid rehab._

_I need a drink. Drugs...?_

**Yami's forsaken lover, read inside! A scorned lover's revenge.**

_Oh..._

_What's the point?_

The alcohol in my body had long since given way to numbness. It seeped through my veins and rushed to my head. I smirked, raising the larger can to my lips. My apartment was a wreck. I had broken the bed and burnt the chairs. The air stunk of alcohol and cigarette butts littered the floor, burning whatever carpet they touched. The fridge had not seen any food for weeks. I had barely any clean clothes. A pile of unopened letters sat by the front door, I couldn't force myself to read them. I didn't want to know what the fans thought. I knew how badly I let them down.

"It was good while it lasted."

My eyes rolled to the photographs, they were the only part of my apartment I hadn't ruined. Once I'd raised them above my head in anger but I couldn't throw them. They reminded me of when I was happy and when I was safe.

"I miss you. I'm sorry I messed everything up." I spoke to the photo like it could hear me. Maybe I could reach through the paper and reach him. "I want to come back and say I love you but I've no doubt you've read the papers. You know what they say I've done. I don't think you'd believe me if I denied them. I don't even believe myself. Sorry, Yugi." Catching my blood shot eyes in the reflection of the glass, I sighed. My face was pale, haggard, dark circles had formed under my eyes, the price of sleepless nights. My knuckles were scarred from fights, my lips were dry and my fingertips burnt. My arms were pricked from the needles, I'd used. I smelt of alcohol, smoke, drugs and body odour. I lifted a hand to my tangled, lifeless hair. "I used to be beautiful. This isn't what I wanted. I want my life, my youth back."

My mind fogged over, the drunk hazy assaulting my senses. The can slipped through my fingers as I gave into the intoxicated sleep.

I awoke to a long forgotten sight, the Kame shop, exactly how I remembered it. I pushed myself up from the wet ground, rushing toward the front door. It didn't occur to me to wonder how I'd gotten back. I hammered on the white painted door; the sign creaked in the breeze. A nearby dog howled, it shot through me but I didn't let my fist stop knocking.

"Yugi! Grandpa! I'm home, let me in! Yugi!"

No one answered. It didn't matter how hard I banged on the door or how loudly I screamed. The door remained tightly shut. I frowned, stalking around the building, looking for another way in. Eventually I forced a back window open and slipped inside. The house hadn't changed the smell of cinnamon and spices still rolled in the air. The stack of shoes by the front door hadn't been moved. I padded forward, running my fingertips over the worn leather couch when I reached the living room. The television set was new, wide screen, expensive but the ornaments on the shelves were the same. Gently I picked up one of the awards sat on a self.

**Yugi Mouto.**

**Maths Challenge 2010**

**1****st**** place.**

I traced the words lovingly, wishing I had seen him win this. I studied the other awards, seeing familiar and new ones. Leaving the living room, my feet found the kitchen. The blue tiled design was the same, as was the coffee machine sitting in the corner. Newspaper clippings were scattered around the table, my eye wondered over them, not finding any words that held my attention. I ventured upstairs, praying I'd find someone, anyone to tell me what had happened. My footsteps were silent on the stairs; I even managed to avoid the one that always squeaked. I darted into Yugi's room, freezing in shock at the door. The room and its items hadn't changed. The purple bed spread was the same as was the pile of books stacked behind it. The desk was heaving under papers, books, magazines and Duel monsters cards. Yugi and Grandpa stood in the centre of the room, both dressed in suits. Yugi turned to the old man, tugging on the sleeves of his suit. He hadn't change. His face was still as loving as I remembered, only more beautiful. He might have been taller, I couldn't tell. But his eyes were wrong; they were too dark, too full of pain and broken promises. I didn't understand.

"Does this look all right, Grandpa?" His voice was subdued

"It looks very handsome, Yugi. I'm sure he'd approve."

Grandpa was still the same, small man that I remembered. He still wore that silly bandana. His hands smoothed Yugi's shirt collar gently, I could almost overlook his shaking. Something about his face wasn't right. It spoke of regret and pain.

Then Yugi's words reached me and jealousy stirred. I frowned. Who'd approve. Had he replaced me?

"Yugi!" I called out. "I'm home!"

"I can't believe this has happened." He spoke like I hadn't said anything

"It's a terrible thing."

"I wish I could have got to him sooner. I should have tried harder."

"He was following his dream. I don't think any of us could have stopped him."

"I never told him I still love him. Just one more day. It's all I want." Tears seeped over his eyes as he stared at the old man. "Why did he have to die?"

I stepped forward, reaching out to him. A strangled cry escaped my lips and my hand slipped through him. I tried again, attempting to press my whole hand to his face. But I slid through him like I was air. He was undisturbed. Panicked I turned to Grandpa, pressing my hands to his chest. He didn't acknowledge me. Tears were flowing down my cheeks, my body shook.

"Yami. My beautiful Yami. Why did you do that to yourself?" Yugi sobbed, his body pitching forward, I went to grab him but Grandpa beat me. He let Yugi curl into him.

"Shh. Yugi, I know. I want him back too." Grandpa's eyes were sparking with tears.

An anguished cry left my throat as I sprinted down the stairs and into the kitchen. I hunted frantically through the newspaper clippings, trying to find some sense in the madness. When I found the headline, my mind shut down. I couldn't look away, couldn't force my body to move. All I could do was stare and weep.

**Yami Atemu found dead in his apartment this morning. Cause of death unknown. The King of Games is dead!**

I've never been to a funeral before. I wished I'd never followed Yugi here. Everyone I used to know had come. Jou, standing pale and tearful beside an openly weeping Yugi. I didn't understand why Jou had come, I know my words cut him deep before. Beside him was Anzu, her hair skimmed her shoulders. Her arrival made no sense, she hated me since I chose to break apart Yugi's heart. Ryou was there, his approached Yugi silently and slipped his hand into Yugi's. Bakura hovered in the shadows, his face closed off. Seto was somewhere between them, his face unable to settle on an emotion. I thought he hated me, despised me for breathing. Confused I turned away, my eyes finding the casket, a white lily lying innocently on top of it. My body was concealed inside it, bloated, still infested with the poison I had poured unthinkingly into it. I turned away when the priest stepped forward. I didn't want to hear the words he'd say. The lies he'd tell. In despair I sank down into a pew, letting the words and the songs wash over me.

"Thank you for coming. We're here to celebrate Yami's life, not focus on his death. Yami had the dream and the drive to make it to stardom. I'd never been more proud of him. I'm sure we all remember the first time we saw him on the television. It had been a rough day, no word from him for weeks and there he was. Shinning bright and happy on the screen. He'd achieved him dreams. I loved to watch him grow in confidence, see his fame rise. I think we all did." Yugi smiled sadly. He inhaled sharply, glancing back down at the script in his hand. "But somewhere, he lost the way. I didn't notice, maybe he didn't know himself until it was too late. He pushed the limits too far and couldn't handle the consequences. I don't know what happened to make him do what he did. I wish I could rewind time and bring him back to us. I love you Yami." His tears fell, splashing onto the paper clenched in his fist. Around him people sobbed and I didn't understand.

Was I missed that much?

Is it possible that I was wrong?

I sat beside Yugi later that night as he hid in darkness. His hands clasped a photo off us. I was smiling; I was free and in love. I wanted that feeling back.

"I have that photo in my apartment. It always makes me smile." I told him. "You can't hear me, so you can't tell me to shut up. I'm sorry about what I did, about what I said all those years ago. At times you got my through the day, when I thought I was going to fall. All I wanted to do was chase a dream. But you were right, dreams are meant for sleeping. I love you."

"Why did you have to do it Yami? You could have come home when things started to get out of hand. I never hated you; I wanted you to come home. I could have kept you safe and you wouldn't have fallen. I can't hold you up anymore. It's funny; it feels like you're right beside me. I can almost smell you sometimes. But then, you were in such a hurry to leave you probaly wouldn't want to come back. I miss you so much. I should've made more of an effort but you seemed so happy. I read the papers, I know what they said and I don't believe them. You wouldn't do half of those things. I love you, Yami."

A gentle fist rapped on the door, it opened without invite. Jou crept forward settling next to him. He leant forward and glanced at the photo in his hands.

"I remember that. It was in the park and Yami had just won some crappy tournament. It wasn't anything big, no cash involved but he was happy. He battled then for the love of it, not because he was trying to prove anything or because he had a career to maintain."

"Oh, Jou. I'm trying to understand why he did what he did. Why he turned to drugs and booze instead of coming home but I can't work it out."

"I don't know. I can't tell you what he was thinking when he poured that stuff down his throat. I don't' think he meant to kill himself."

"So, what was it? A cry for help?"

Jou nodded. "He was falling fast and he needed something to hold onto. I guess he found the answer, temporarily, in drink."

"But why didn't he come home?"

"I don't know, Yugs. He kept on winning, but no one can win forever. In the end, success killed him. I wish he'd come back."

Yugi turned and pressed his face against Jou, his shoulders already shaking with silent sobs. Jou's face was suddenly streaked with crystal tears. I had put them there. I bowed my head as my own tears fell.

"Yugi...I made a mistake..."

I closed my eyes a sobbed.

I screamed awake, my body trembling and my mind reeling. I lurched from the bed, scrabbling to the bathroom. I fell to my knees beside it, my stomach rolling as it emptied itself into the ceramic bowl. Exhausted I sat back, scrubbing my hand over my mouth. My eyes darted around the familiar bathroom.

My apartment?

I rose on shaky legs, unsure if my trembling knees could support me. I stumbled into the living room, blinking at the perfect interior.

Didn't I trash this place?

Isn't my life over?

I glanced down at my arms; there were no needle marks, not signs of what I had done. I couldn't smell smoke and there were no alcohol bottles on the floor. I had my life back, clean. My career was sky height but for the first time, I felt empty and hollow inside. A persistent knocking on the door jerked me back into reality. I turned, opening the wide, wooden door.

"Hello, Frankie. What's wrong?"

"It's time for the award ceremony, sir. We need to leave now."

"Oh, ok."

Frankie started to walk down the hall. "Wait! Frankie, am...I...all right? I mean, I have a career?"

A gentle smile swept across his face. "You're fine, sir. I've never known anyone more popular. People love you."

"Oh, thank you."

"Come now, sir."

Frankie took my arm, reaching around me to pull my coat to him. He led me down the hall, whistling a tune I didn't recognise.

This life is just hollow.

...I don't think I want it anymore...

"Good morning, folks! We're here at the Duel Monsters award ceremony! And now, the man you've all been waiting for, YAMI ATEMU!"

The crowd roared, jumping to their feet, girls screamed and boy cheered. The cameras started flashing, blinding me.

This is your second chance. Don't waste it.

"YAMI ATEMU!"

Someone nudged me from behind, trying to drive me onto the stage. I refused to move, staring out at the endless sea of faces and lights.

I have to admit...I was frightened...

I shrugged away from the forceful hands, unable to allow them to touch me. The presenter glanced nervously into the wings.

He placed his hand over the microphone. "Where is he? Has anyone seen him? He's in the wings? Get him out here!"

_No...get me out of here..._

Frankie appeared beside me, taking my arm in a gentle grip, he turned me around to face him. His face was tight, his eyes shining with pain. "You're crying, Yami."

I raised my hand to my cheek, feeling my fingertips coated damp. "Oh."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to be here."

"Ok, where do you want to be?"

"Home."

"The apartment?"

"No, the Kame Shop. I want to go there."

"Ah."

I looked at him. "Take me home?"

"Of course. Come on."

"YAMI ATEMU!"

_Sorry...I can't do this anymore...I can't be THAT again..._

I followed Frankie out the door, pushing past personnel and people who made grabs for my clothes. The car started, rumbling into life and I left my career in my dust.

_Tell me you've waited for me._

I threw open the limo door, not glancing back, forgetting that Frankie was in the car. I threw away everything I had worked for, only wanting Yugi by my side. Wanting my friends back. This time I knew I had to act, I wasn't dead. The dream hadn't happened. I'd pulled myself out in time.

"YUGI! PLEASE LET ME IN! GRANDPA! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! PLEASE!" I screamed, thundering against the door. "PLEASE! YUGI! GRANDPA! I LOVE YOU! I'M SORRY! I LOVE YOU! LET ME IN!"

The door opened quickly and I stumbled against a body. Arms closed around me, keeping me standing, stopping me falling.

"Yami?" Grandpa breathed

I whimpered, hiding my face on the old man's chest."Grandpa."

"What are you doing here?"

"I've come home. Please don't send me away. I want to stay."

His hand stroked my back, calming me as the tears stated to fall.

"I'm not going to send you away. But I thought you were happy."

"No, no. Never happy. I don't want to become that. I want to come home. Let me stay."

His arms closed tighter around me, anchoring me to him. "My boy." He breathed "You can stay for as long as you like."

"Thank you. Where's Yugi?"

He pulled back, his eyes shining with tears but his face radiating happiness. "Upstairs."

"Did he...uh...does he...?"

"He's missed you. He loves you."

I beamed and tore into the house, hearing Grandpa laugh behind me. I pounded up the stairs, hearing my footsteps and knowing I was alive. A laugh bubbled in my throat. I skidded to a stop outside his doorway. Would he want to see me? After all this time? And after all I've done? I had to know, I can't live in regret, I have to know. I knocked on the door with a shaking fist.

"Come in."

I pushed open the door, hovering under the frame. Yugi swivelled around to face me, his eyes growing wide, his hands flying to his face.

"Yami? What are you doing here?"

"I'm home. Please let me stay."

Yugi jumped up, rushing to me and throwing his arms around my waist. "Stay. Don't you ever go again."

Tears were streaming down my cheeks, my legs shook but I felt grounded. "I love you, Yugi."

"I love you too."

"I won't become THAT again."

His lifted his face to look at me. "Become what?"

I didn't answer, instead bowing my head and seeking out his lips. He welcomed me, his lips moulding against mine, his tongue fighting with mine. His hands stroked my back, my sides, my face.

This is home. I don't need fame.

...

Well it's something different.


End file.
